New York City, NY

Newly minted U.N. ambassador Nikki Haley – who was born Nimrata Randhawa to Indian immigrant parents – had some choice words for the organization in her first full day on the job. Rather than ease into the swing of things, get to know people, pass out some business cards, she decided get into a dick measuring contest with every other country on earth.

Speaking at U.N. headquarters, she pretty much killed any hopes that Trump’s foreign policy would be less belligerent or less pussy-grabby-ish than the rest of his life. Here’s the quote that got everyone talking.

“You’re going to see a change in the way we do business. Our goal with the administration is to show value at the U.N., and the way we’ll show value is to show our strength, show our voice, have the backs of our allies and make sure our allies have our back as well. For those who don’t have our back, we’re taking names; we will make points to respond to that accordingly.”

Geez, whatever happened to southern hospitality? The least Haley could’ve done was throw in a “Bless your heart”. Although as a southerner I can tell you that really means “Go f**k yourself, slut.” But no, Nimrata didn’t go carrot and stick, she went stick, more stick, and here’s a giant thorny stick shoved up your assh*le. In fact here’s a photo of the U.N.’s rectum shortly after Haley’s comments.

In all seriousness this is a terrible way to go about “diplomacy” or whatever it is the Trump administration is ham-handedly trying to do. These are sovereign nations. You cannot bully them into doing whatever you want unless there is an actual threat of some sort behind it. What are we going to do the next time Germany or England doesn’t vote with us? Attack them? Of course not. So while other nations might respect the United States (for now), they don’t fear us in a way that would make Haley’s comments effective.

For all Trump brags about being a master of deal making, he sure seems to suck at it. Threatening a world leader when you have no real leverage is a terrible negotiating ploy. It has the effect of making them dig in deeper, unable to give you what they want for fear or looking weak. Even if they want to meet you halfway, you’ve made it a political loser for them. Just look at Trump’s canceled meeting with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto. Instead of having cordial opening conversations about how to improve border control and rebalance some of the trade deficit between our two countries, Trump basically tried to give Nieto a wedgie on Twitter.

Under pressure not to look like a wimp after Trump’s idiotic behavior, Nieto canceled the meeting and tweeted back at the POTUS.

I asked Twitter to translate that tweet for me and they said it was Spanish for “Screw you, gringo, and your tiny Cheeto dick too.”

Let’s hope Haley gets a better handle on her job in the coming days or next she’ll probably try to wrestle Angela Merkel to the ground and shove reheated Trump Steaks in her mouth. Not that I wouldn’t pay to see that.

Follow the author Sean Kent on Twitter – @seankent – and Facebook.